UNITED STATES ARMY RECRUITING SERVICE Sept. 8, 1941- KOIN 10:15 PM SOLDIERS OF THE AIR

ANNCR: KOIN presents Soldiers of the Air ’.

MUSIC: THEME "SECOND CONNECTICUT REGIMENT" (475) UP AND FADE TO BACKGROUND

ANNCR: This evening KOIN is pleased to cooperate with the United States Army Recruiting Service in presenting another chapter in the life of Sergeant Bill Harris, soldier of the air.

MUSIC: THEME UP AND OUT.

ANNCR: Sergeant Harris is proud of the enlistment record of the Oregon Recruiting District, but right now, - well, he’s stumped. The army wants sixty cooks from Oregon, and up to the present he hasn't enlisted one cook. Sergeant Harris is somewhat discouraged but — (FADING) well, let's listen

SOUND: TELEPHONE BELL RINGING INSISTENTLY

BILL: (BRIGHTLY) army Recruiting Service. Sergeant Harris speaking.

VOICE: (FILTERED BY PHONE) I want to ask about the food the army eats—

BILL: (WHEEDLING) You are interested in army rations?

VOICE: I certainly am'.

BILL: Are you by any chance a cook?

VOICE: Cook'. I should say not'. I'm a wholesale food dealer'.

BILL: Sorry I You should write or phone the quartermasters department. They will—

SOUND: CLICKING OF RECEIVER ON HOOK.

BILL: Well'. I guess he wasn't interested in cooking—

LAWRENCE: (SLIGHTLY OFF MIKE, FADING IN) I guess not, — the way he slammed

down that receiver. I could hear it clear over hero.

BILL: (WITH DEEP CONVICTION AND NO LITTLE SORROW) Sergeant Lawrence, Uncle Sam needs cooks. There must be cooks in Portland, in Oregon, — cooks with a sense of patriotic duty, (RISING TO HIS OWN BAIT) -cooks who would take a deep pleasure in preparing Ration A.

LAWRENCE: (IN THE MANNER OF HOME ECONOMICS LECTURER) Ration A, comprising fresh vegetables, butter, fruit, meat and other bulky but (SWEETLY) desirable foods—

BILL: Aw, lay off, will you'.

LAWRENCE: Sur, sure, but you can't blame me for ribbing you. You've been so proud of the recruiting record we've made here in the Oregon area that it makes me laugh to see you stumped by a little problem like sixteen cowboys of the kettle.

BILL: (INDIGNANTLY) Cowboys of the kettle I That's a fine way to refer to the chefs in Uncle Sum's army'.

L/iV vR EN C E: Maybe you'd rather cull them Runge Riders. Let 'em wear purple goat hair chaps and wide-brimmed sombreros — Give 'em a Yippec-ki-yay yell and call them the Wolf Pack.

BILL: Pipe down before I forget I'm a soldier. This is serious. Soldiers have got to eat, and eat well—

LAWRENCE: (AS BEFORE) Ration B, similar to Ration A except that it substitutes jelly for butter, hard bread for soft and adds some canned goods.

BILL: If I hud a little of the old British Iron ration, at the moment, Sergeant Lawrence, I'd see that you ate it'.

Lz'iV’iR.iiNCE: Not me '. Remember what the old army soldiers used to say—"Never eat your Iron ration until you have starved to death"? But wait -- look what's coming down the hull.

BILL: A cook, -- or I don't know the breed. Here -- take the phone and give me that pencil '. Uncle Sam is going to have one cook or my name

isn’t Bill Harris.

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LAWRENCE: O.K. I'll take the phone. But look at that guy'. From the size of him he’s been eating Ration A exclusively. He'll weight(FADING) a hundred and eighty if he weighs a pound.

TED: Howdy.

BILL: How do you do? (INGRATIATINGLY) Something I can do for you?

TED: Yes. I sort of thought maybe I'd like to enlist in the regular army. I hear they need pilots and—

BILL: We need cooks too -

TED: (AS IF HE HADNOT BEEN INTERRUPTED) --pilots and so I thought I’d find out about it.

BILL: Yes, the army does need pilots, but don't you think maybe you're a little heavy for a pilot?

TED: (LAUGHING)/Well, I'm not exactly a dwarf, am I? But I can fly a plane once I get it in the air--

BILL: (LaUGHING TOO) Almost anyone can fly a plane once it's off the ground. It's the rising and the landing that require skill.

TED: You're right about that. The first plane I owned I cracked up taking off. I guess I didn't exactly have my mind on what I was doing.

BILL: What did you have your mind on?

TED: (LAUGHING RUEFULLY) Left over meat wrapped in biscuit dough’.

BILL: What's that you say?

TED: I said the reason I cracked up my first plane was because I was thinking about using up roast meat scraps by wrapping them in biscuit dough, baking them and serving with cream sauce

BILL: (SOLEMNLY) Young man. You are a cook.

TED: Sure I'm a cook — I'm a cook just long enough to earn money to buy another plane. Then I'm a pilot again.

BILL: How many planes have you owned?

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TED: Two

BILL: In that case you must have been a cook for quite a spell -- in between planes.

TED: Yeh. I'm thirty-two years old and I've been a professional cook for twelve years. In all that time I’ve only been able to save enough for two planes, one of them second hand, and I figured that if I could enlist in the regular Army Air Corps I could be a pilot a lot cheaper—

BILL: YTait a minute '. Vihat happened to your second plane?

TED: (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Tho second one? That plane was a honey. Hummed along like a swallow. I was soaring around one day when I looked down and saw a black field that looked for all the world like a giant griddle. I got to thinking it would be fun to zoom down and slide across that big griddle and zoom right buck up and (HESITATING)

BILL: (PROMPTING HIM) And—

TED: (RUEFULLY) The griddle hadn't been greased'.

BILL: And so, your plane was wrecked?

TED: It ’sure was. So, - well, I just wentlbitck t o cooking again. And now I want to be an army pilot.

BILL: (MEDITATIVELY) Hm-m. Well,, let's got the preliminary information. (PAUSE) Name?

TED: Theodore -- Ted — Christofferson.

BILL: (SLOWLY) Theo^dore Christoffor son. (PAUSE) Married?

TED: (SOBERLY) I was married but my wife died.

BILL: Any dependents?

TED: No. No dependents..

BILL: How’s your health? You look good, maybe a little heavy.

TED: That's from eating my own cooking'.

BILL: (EARNESTLY) Look, Mr. Christofferson, why don't you stick to cooking? I’ll be you are a good cook and the army needs cooks—

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TED:. (PROUDLY) You bet I’m a good cook'. I cun corral more calories in an innocent looking dessert than— Say — You ought to see the pies I make. Ever hear of Christy Crust? That’s short for Christofferson Crust, well, I invented it.

BILL: Ever hear of Christy Crust? Of course I have. Anyone who listens to the radio can't very well help hearing it. But if you invented Christy Crust you ought to be worth a fortune.

TED: (SADLY) Yeh, the manufacturer sure has made money out of it. But you see, when I got the recipe perfected I was trying to buy my first plane and — well — I just sold it for what I could get and bought my plane.

BILL: If you don't mind telling mo, just as man to man, why are you so dead set on being u pilot?

TED: (HESITATINGLY) Oh, — because — Look, here, Mister

BILL: Sergeant Harris —

TED: Sergeant Harris, I'm pretty serious about this national defense business. I'm the kind of a guy that ought to be doing something about it. I'm single, husky, no dependents, but —well, look at me. I’m a whopping big fellow and it looks silly for me to be doing a little job. I ought to be doing something big, -- something important, like piloting a bomber

BILL: (SYMPATHETICALLY) I cun understand a big fellow wanting a big job, but what ever made you think of aviation? What got you interested in flying in the first place?

TED: Well, it may sound funny to you, but it's on account of my name. Did jiy name make you think of anything special?

BILL: Theodore Christofferson? No-o, nothing special — but — (BRIGHTLY) Yes '. Christoff erson '. Silas Christoff er son, the aviator I

TED: (PLEASED) Sure, Silas Christoff arson, the famous aviator '.

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BILL: Was he related to you?

TED: No, he wasn’t related. But he was a sort of family hero on account of our having the same name and so I just naturally got interested in aviation.

BILL: (AS IF TO HIMSELF, BUT PROVOCATIVELY) A great man, Christofferson, a big man.

TED: He wasn’t so big —

BILL: I moan big inside, — so big nothing could turn him away from the thing he knew he could do best.

TED: (PUZZLED) I,don’t get it. What do you mean?

BILL: I’ll have to go back quite a way to explain what I mean -- back to nineteen hundred and eight when Silas Christofferson was working us an automobile mechanic for a man named Bennet. All the balky motors in Fortland managed to find their way to Bennet’s shop and early and (FADING) late you could hour Christofferson's hammer

SOUND: BALL PEIN HXMUER CN METAL IN AND IRREGULAR, THEN CUT

BENNET: Hov/'s she coming, Silas? Think you'll have her running by tonight?

SILIS: (LAUGHING) Tonight? I’ll have her running in two minutes'. A little more shellac on this gasket -- urn — there.

BENNET: That shellac stuff sure stinks, don’t it?

SILAS: Sure does. Here, hold that gasket in place while I screw down those last nuts. There. Thanks. New then — get away from that flywheel, Mister Bennet, so you won't get oil splashed on you. I’m going to twist hor tail —

SOUND: CLANKING OF MOTOR, BACKFIRE, ANDCDUT

BENNET: (DISGRUNTLED) Well, now what?

SIILS: (UNMOVED) Now what? Now I find out what’s wrong. I’ve been through this motor from end to end and -- oh, there it is That wire slipped off and shorted. Here, I’LL fasten it to that terminal and then —

Now, let's crank it again —

6-6-6

SOUND: CRANKING SOUND FOLLOWED BY SMOOTH FIRING C'F MOTOR

SILAS: (SHOUTING HAPPILY) How's that?

BENNET: Fino Fine '. Now turn it off

SOUND: CUT MOTOR

BENNET.: Sounds pretty, don't it?

SILAS: If you think t his sounds pretty, wait till you hear the motor I' ii building. (RAPTLY) My motor —sings

BENNET: What you building a motor for?

SILAS: For an airplane.

BENNET: (ASTGNISHE) Airplane? Are you daft, Silas?

SILAS: Nope. There's just one thing I knew and know well, and I’m sticking to it, gas engines.

BENNET: (SADLY) And I thought you'd make such a good auto salesman —

SILAS: Salesman?

BENNET: There’s a big future in it, Silas.

SILAS: Maybe so, Mr. Bennet. But there's a big future in aviation too, so -I guess I’ll just stick to gas engines. I’ll be flying one of these days. Right off the roof of one of these buildings around here.

BENNET: (INCREDULOUSLY) Flying? Off the roof of a building'. You're crazy'. Twenty years from now you’ll be hammering away (FADING) on some motor

SOUND: BALL PEIN HAMMER ON METAL, UP AND CUT

BILL: It was several years before Christofferson owned his own plane, but by nineteen twelve he had managed to go to Sun Francisco and get a Curtiss type and flew it. Along about Rose Festival time he decided to make good his old boast to his former employer, Bennet.

TED: Yes, I know. Christofferson declared he really was going to fly off the roof of a building, ■— the Multnomah Hotel, wasn’t it?

BILL: That’s right. He built a run way one hundred and seventy feet long, and with fifty thousand people thronging the streets below, (FADING)

v/armed up the motor of his plane

7-7-7

44 R

SOUND: SLOW BUT STEADY PUliR OF MCTCR, UP AND UDE TO BACKGROUND

BENNET: (SHOUTING) You’re crazy, Silas. Crazy as a loon'. For the last time, I ask you, give up this hare-brained, idea.

SILAS: (LOUDLY) Nope '.

BENNET'f You call this machine an airplane? It's a kite'. A crazy canvas and bamboo kite'. You’ll be killed'..-' You'll full on those innocent people in the street and kill 'em — Oh, what’s the use?

SILAS: > (LAUGHING) None '.

SOUND: FADE IN MOTOR A LITTLE LOUDER

SIUS: (BRISKLY) Kick those blocks away, boys. Steady that wing, (SHARPLY) Get back now I Here I go'.

SOUND: MOTOR UP LOUDLY, HOLD, THEN CUT

BILL: Sure enough, away Silas Christofferson went in his canvas and bamboo kite, sailing right off that little run way, over the heads of the crowd —

TED: SILAS Christofferson sure had what it takes —

BILL: (INTERRUPTING) Look, Ted Christofferson, did it ever occur to you that your name sake, Silas, stuck to the thing he was trained for, stuck to aviation? Can you imagine him trying to be a cook?

TED: ^UUGHlNGf)n&yshouSxP. »ay hot lj He was out for bigger things.

BILL: Being an army cook is a big job, Ted. On the large scale nanoeuvers the cook’s daily budget runs to something like twenty eight thousand dollars

TED; That's a lot of money --

BILL; Yes, (SADLY) but probably the job is too big for you.

TED: (PROUDLY) I've fed as high us three thousand at a meal

BILL: (DERISIVELY) Small stuff, Ted. The United States Array is serving at least four million, two hundred thousand meals a day — balanced meals too — 8-8-8

TED: Sure, I knew. Nation A, composed of fresh vegetables, butter, fruit, meat and other bulky but desirable foods —

BILL: Hey, wait a second. '”hat is this? How do you know about Ration A?

TED: (LAUGHING) I've been reading about that army cooking school at Fort Meade. Like to hear about Nation 3?

BILL: Well, for heavens

TED: Or Ration C, the brand new, stream-lined, lightweight food for re-serve -- Cr Ration D? You know, I've got an idea about Rution 3, that oatmeal chocolate bur. I think I know how to increase the calorie content with the addition of a little

BILL: (LAUGHING) Ted, you really like cooking, don't you?

TED: (HALF ASHAMED) Yes, I guess I do.

BILL: Then why don't you stop trying to be a cracked-up aviator and stick to being a bang-up cook? Uncle Sum needs chefs, not just cooks? It's a big job, for a big man? Maybe it's too big ---

TED: (DEFENSIVELY) Listen, soldier — there isn't a job in cooking that's too big for me '. Sign me up '.

MUSIC: THEME UP ANDCUT

ANNCR: And sc we leave Sergeant Harris signing up another recruit for the regular United States Army at 323 Main Post office Building. Next week at this same hour KOIN will present another in this series of Soldiers of the air. Tonight's program was written by the Oregon Writers' project of the Work Projects Administration and produced by members of the Youth Theatre Guild. The cast included: Liston again next Monday night at ten fifteen over this station when you will again hear

SOUND: TELEPHONE BELL

BILL: Army Recruiting Service. Sergeant Harris speaking.

MUSICA: THEME UP ANDCUT 9-9-9